Boobie greed monster found me!
Since surgery I've been enjoying the really easy recovery period and the fun that shopping has been. I've also been very consciously reminding myself to be patient and not expect miracles overnight. I wonder if I haven't been hiding some feelings from everyone, myself included!
Looking in the mirror is like a double edged sword. I can't help but want to see the new and improved girls, but at the same time it has been depressing me. Like, I keep thinking that I want them to be bigger. I am handling the fact that they are healing at different rates ok, but I am feeling more and more like I really want them to be bigger. And it makes me angry because these were thoughts I had before I even went in for surgery. On my first consult, we decided on 350cc, but by the time I got to my second appointment I knew I wanted to be bigger. So we decided on 375cc filled to 400. Morning of surgery I even gave verbal permission to add more than that and Dr. Vanek actually gave me 425cc. I should be so happy with the size right now but I am simply not.
I have to admit, I look natural. I am the woman Dr. Vanek spoke of during our very first meeting. The " did she or didn't she " woman. The one that everyone sees and then asks themselves if I am extremely blessed by God or if I had a boob job. It's funny the number of people who all give you their opinion on size during the planning process, and they all say the same thing which is " Don't go too big or you won't look natural! " And I told them, including my husband and mother, " I'm not paying all this money to look natural. I don't want people to hand me a pole, but I do want them large enough to get some attention! "
I also fully realize that I could only go so big on my first surgery. Dr. Vanek had explained to me during my pre op consult that he felt like 425 would be max size for this surgery, that I could go bigger later if I wanted, but my body and skin could only accommodate so much on the initial operation. And I figured at some point, when a redo was needed, that I would probably go bigger. I just never expected to feel that way this soon!
This boobie greed monster is an evil evil thing. I should have known he would find me. I keep telling myself that my breasts still have a lot of changes to go thru and that I may decide I love this size. The physical aspect of healing has been easy and perfect for me. The emotional aspect is a whole other thing and that's the part I struggle with. It's normal to go through these roller coaster feelings after surgery, I just hope it settles down soon! My 4 week check is this week, I am going to be sure to discuss this with Dr. Vanek!
Looking in the mirror is like a double edged sword. I can't help but want to see the new and improved girls, but at the same time it has been depressing me. Like, I keep thinking that I want them to be bigger. I am handling the fact that they are healing at different rates ok, but I am feeling more and more like I really want them to be bigger. And it makes me angry because these were thoughts I had before I even went in for surgery. On my first consult, we decided on 350cc, but by the time I got to my second appointment I knew I wanted to be bigger. So we decided on 375cc filled to 400. Morning of surgery I even gave verbal permission to add more than that and Dr. Vanek actually gave me 425cc. I should be so happy with the size right now but I am simply not.
I have to admit, I look natural. I am the woman Dr. Vanek spoke of during our very first meeting. The " did she or didn't she " woman. The one that everyone sees and then asks themselves if I am extremely blessed by God or if I had a boob job. It's funny the number of people who all give you their opinion on size during the planning process, and they all say the same thing which is " Don't go too big or you won't look natural! " And I told them, including my husband and mother, " I'm not paying all this money to look natural. I don't want people to hand me a pole, but I do want them large enough to get some attention! "
I also fully realize that I could only go so big on my first surgery. Dr. Vanek had explained to me during my pre op consult that he felt like 425 would be max size for this surgery, that I could go bigger later if I wanted, but my body and skin could only accommodate so much on the initial operation. And I figured at some point, when a redo was needed, that I would probably go bigger. I just never expected to feel that way this soon!
This boobie greed monster is an evil evil thing. I should have known he would find me. I keep telling myself that my breasts still have a lot of changes to go thru and that I may decide I love this size. The physical aspect of healing has been easy and perfect for me. The emotional aspect is a whole other thing and that's the part I struggle with. It's normal to go through these roller coaster feelings after surgery, I just hope it settles down soon! My 4 week check is this week, I am going to be sure to discuss this with Dr. Vanek!
posted by Millie @ 9/14/2007 12:43:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home