Am I nuts?

Ok, so now that I've gone and scheduled my surgery, I was feeling depressed! I've been told what I went thru is fairly common, but it seemed odd to me. My husband was being completely supportive, he wasn't throwing a fit about the money or anything, yet I was feeling awful and confused about the whole thing. I felt guilty. Like how dare I spend that much money on elective surgery for myself instead of putting the money towards my kids' education. It wasn't necessarily anything that anyone was saying to me, I just felt it.
I knew the 2 months was going to go by fast, but I wanted to do it at the end of summer when we wouldn't be missing the pool too much, and when my kids would be heading back to school. I've been told it can take about 6 months for complete healing ( Susan at Dr. Vanek's says most healing is done by the 3 month mark ) and we're taking a Disney cruise in February so I wanted to make sure I was giving myself enough time to heal. August 17 seemed like a perfect date, and it was a Friday just like I wanted.
Summer goes by fast for us every year, and this year was no different. I really was surprised at just how quickly my date was approaching. I had to take a break from it all; I refused to surf the breast augmentation forums and spend so many hours a day reading about my upcoming surgery. I needed to put it out of my mind for a little while, I felt consumed by my surgery. At night I would lie in bed and think to myself " OMG, am I really going to go thru with this? " It felt sort of unreal to me.
I also was feeling unsure of my decision to go with silicone implants. Dr. Vanek had us hold the 2 different types in our hands, and play with them almost like they were snowballs. Sure, the silicone sure as heck felt alot nicer and softer than the saline, but would I notice any difference once they were put under my chest muscle? And my husband reminded me that if it was about how it was going to feel to him then I might as well go with saline since he will always know they are fake no matter how nice they feel. I also considered the fact that they recommend a MRI every 2 or 3 years to detect a problem with silicone implants. If something happens to a saline implant, such as a rupture, you know right away since you get a "flat tire." However, with the new silicone implants, which are like a gummy bear kind of substance, the filling doesn't go anywhere so you don't have any idea if you have a problem. And that MRI isn't going to be covered by my insurance! Finally, the silicone implants were twice the cost of saline, adding another 1200 bucks to my total.
Then I started agonizing over size. What if 350cc doesn't get me where I want to be? I was reading about "boobie greed", women who wished they had gone bigger. And it's fairly common! I finally did decide that I wanted to go bigger and that I wanted the saline vs the silicone ( hey, I need to save money somewhere right?! ) so I made sure to call Susan and inform her so she could change my paperwork and not be shocked when I showed up to my pre op appt and asked for something larger.
July was almost over and I was becoming an emotional train wreck. The 29th was my grandmothers birthday, and she passed last year. The stress of my surgery and the grief over my loss was alot to bear. I had scheduled my Pre op and final sizing appt with Dr. Vanek for August 1. It was the one year anniversary date of my grandmother's death. And I was hoping that the excitement of deciding on my size and signing all the paperwork and really getting excited about everything would help to make that date something more than just the day that grandma died.