Blink... I have (bigger) boobs!

...and so I opened my eyes and remember hearing my name called. Ahhh the fun of the fog of anesthesia. Hard to focus, feeling light as a feather, yet my chest was bound like a mummy, totally relaxed. And what was the comment the nurse made when I looked over toward her?

YOU'RE READY TO BE AN EXOTIC DANCER NOW

Yes. this is what a professional said to a patient coming out of anesthesia.

I knew I was loopy, but with it enough to have been incredibly offended and able to snottily reply "I didn't get my MBA to become an exotic dancer".

I was (add your own adjectives too) mortified, pissed, disrespected, offended, and just overall stunned this nurse made the comment she did.

I was wheeled back to room #6 and it was still very sunny. The woman in the curtained room next to me was talking very loudly about undergoing treatment for cancer and it was from smoking. I think she mentioned COPD. I was sympathetic but sheesh, she was LOUD and I just wanted to rest. I wiggled my toes and the nurse came over and brought me some plain cookie and hot tea. It was then I noticed that my shoulder felt like they had been moved to under my ears, my chin was double and that something really really heavy was on my chest. It was hard to breathe.
It was like you couldn't catch your breath and that to take a breath deep enough was impossible. It was hard to expand the lungs. Some nurse came in and told me I did great.

Hmm, I think I just laid there on the table and Dr. Vanek did all the work, but ok, I did great. The downside is you can't really see your chest from the mummy wrap. So it's like all the anticipation of Christmas morning, but without your goofy family hovering.

The nurse had me go the bathroom and from what I understand they want to make sure you can function fully before letting you go home.

My friend arrived to bring me home--it was about 5:30 when we walked out. Rude awakenings--

Car door--no strong grip to open.
Seatbelt across chest. Ouch.
Lifting a water bottle. not happening.

The rest of the night, I propped up in my favorite chair and chilled to the anesthesia wearing off. I filled baggies with ice chips and fortunately it was 90degrees outside, so it was somewhat refreshing. I hadn't taken any percoset yet, but knew I'd feel some 'discomfort'. The rest of the night was low key and thank goodness, my friend stopped me from sending resumes' out via email and writing cover letters. She reminded me that my writing skill was -- umm-- impared, and that it should wait a day or two.

I took her advice and thought it would be good to go to bed.

HAH. Here's where I could start counting how many times you don't realize when you use your pec muscles. I tried to get into bed and found the "slide and scoot" to get into position was best. There's no using your arms at all at this point. I had to prop my pillows up per post op orders and for once in my life recognized the need for a recliner. I guess all those men with remotes in their barcolounger knew something.

I dozed in and out and was up and downstairs quite a bit to exchange the ice packs. At 3am, it hit me.

PAIN.

Pain in my chest, ribs, lungs, jaw, face from clenching my teeth. I hobbled to the kitchen for a percoset and couldn't open the bottle. I got a rubber bottle opener out and still couldn't get a grip. I put the bottle on the floor, sat down and tried to open it with my feet. No go.

I really didn't want to wake up my friend, who so nicely slept over to help. But heck, that's why she was sleeping over--to help. I woke her up, she opened hte bottle and I took one. Within a short time, the pain was tempered and I slept some.

I woke up to find that yeah, I was sore! I had laid out a bunch of days worth of clothes that seemed easy to put on and off. A couple of zip front tops, pull on shorts. It didn't matter. This was going to be tough. I was hoping I wouldn't have to go #2 becasue I couldn't reach my butt! The range of motion was about 10degrees. My right arm was very weak.

I had this crazy rhomboid muscle thing going on too, from compensating and rounding my shoulders forward. Mind you these bits of info weren't (completely) unbearable but just feeling like I should be detailed at this point.

I was to go to my followup at 2pm and have the mummy wrap removed and placed into a sports bra. I was looking forward to that.

I was given post op antiobiotics for 5 days. Still taking the Arnica for bruising and ice packing like crazy! I called a few friends to update and spent the morning relaxing until my appointment.

next up--bandages off!